Email I sent to Skippy Peanut Butter

Recently I have been in therapy, learning to deal with a number of issues like guilt and doubt that have plagued me for a long time, and have caused me a lot of problems in my personal, social and professional life. It really came to a boil last year when my mother passed away. There were a lot of things that I did not get to discuss with her, and my father has been unwilling or unable to explain them to me to a satisfying degree. One of my earliest memories about my feelings of worthlessness, which my psychiatrist discovered through hypnotherapy, was the weekly trip to the grocery store. From an early age, I wanted to get Jif brand peanut butter, since I was so excited by their ad campaign saying, "Choosy Moms Choose Jif!" The children looked so happy and carefree in those commercials. My mother always bought Skippy brand peanut butter, which she insisted was "just the same." No matter how much I pleaded, she would never buy Jif. This led me to feel like she wasn't "choosy" because she didn't care, or that I was not worthy of the fuss. If she wasn't choosy, it's because I didn't matter; that my feelings didn't matter. She would never buy Jif through my entire childhood, even though I always begged her in the grocery store. Even to this day, I feel guilt when I go to pick up a jar of Jif in the store, and have never even tasted it, feeling as though it's something that I am not meant to have. I tried contacting Jif, but the only response they sent me was an obvious form letter, suggesting that I try their products. When I received the letter, I felt good, and I immediately drove to the store and bought a jar of Jif. That was two months ago and I cannot bring myself to open it, so I know that I have not come to terms with things. Perhaps you can reassure me that Skippy is in fact as good or better than Jif, or maybe that I need to go ahead and try Jif for myself. Actually I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing you this letter. I just need to sort some things out, and I don't mean to be a bother to an innocent third party, but I wanted to know if there was any advice you could offer me. Sincerely, Mike

Their Reply

Thank you very much for contacting Unilever Bestfoods. We have forwarded your message to the appropriate department. Our consumers are very important to us. We value your comments and will get back to you as soon as possible

Email #2

Thanks for the automated response! I feel so much better knowing that you couldn't give a rat's ass. When I kill myself, I'll be crying out, "SKIPPY! WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME!!!!" Then I'll sing "The Greatest Love of All" with the barrel of a 9mm pistol in my mouth while I masturbate using a jar of Skippy Chunky Style and I'll leave a big cylindrical hole in it so the next person has a really good idea what I did. Burn! You make me growl! So here I go growling! Grrrr!

Their Reply

Thank you very much for contacting Unilever Bestfoods. We have forwarded your message to the appropriate department. Our consumers are very important to us. We value your comments and will get back to you as soon as possible

Email #3