riovoltaire

Riovolt CD MP3 Player

Technology at its Finest

Last year when I bought the Riovolt mp3 cd player for its retail price of $180 including tax, it had received nothing but good reviews. After buying it, I discovered that it was less than I had hoped for. I kept waiting for possible patches from Sonic Blue that would fix the skipping, or at least make an option to turn off those retarded dancing raver girls on the LCD. No useful updates came, so I made this page to help others.

For one thing, it skipped. It supposedly had up to a minute of skip protection. Apparently the box was written by people who had not tried it for themselves and had fabricated the 60 seconds of skip protection from the "Big Book of Things that Consumers Like to Believe." It skipped when I was walking. It skipped when I was sitting. It skipped with mp3 cds, and even WORSE with regular audio cds.

It skips when it's between two matresses.

It skips in a refrigerated state.

CD's skip considerably less when played with a Hamburger Bun.

The Riovolt drains batteries exponentially faster than a Mango

This is the Riovolt's remote control. The clumsy circular joypad controller is a new jump in technology that makes it easier than ever to hit "Stop" when you mean to hit "Skip."

It is also absolutely delicious.

I have found a way to fix Riovolt's skipping problem, and I don't even have a degree from MIT like those fancy Sonic Blue guys do. You will need the following supplies:

You will need some Duct tape and a can of WD-40. They can fix ANYTHING.

WD-40 is actually somewhat hard to acquire in my neighborhood, much like real cheese. All the little Bronx bodega places have that crappy Queso de Papa shit. Whoever heard of making CHEESE out of fucking POTATOES? But back to the mission at hand...

Step 1). Use the tape to affix the Riovolt unit to a support. In this case, I have used a microphone stand.

Step 2). FIX the Riovolt.

CLICK HERE FOR WINDOWS MEDIA MOVIE!

Click here for crappy lo-res version that won't make your aol dialup gag.

(Play with windows media player 8 or later or don't complain that it doesn't work. Running Mac? Your fault, not mine.)

Now that you've fixed your Riovolt player, you will find that it performs as well as it ever did. Note that my enhancement also gets rid of the little raver girls on the LCD. Now you get a nice solid dark blue with bubbles in it, which is definitely preferable to little dancing raver girls.

WVideo and editing by Danny.