Pizza tastes delicious.

Jesus seems to have very bad taste, judging by the clothes he makes his followers wear.

Pizza fills people with a delicious meal.

Jesus fills people with guilt for things that our ancient instincts tell us are fine, or even rewarding to do. Would pizza force you to AVOID getting laid? Would pizza tell you to turn the other cheek and let an attacker hit you twice? Pizza would kick the guy's ass, if it had any arms. Jesus also fills his followers with a sense of dread that the whole world could be destroyed at any time. Pizza wants you to enjoy tangy plum tomato sauce and imported Italian Sausage FOREVER.

Children love Pizza, and Pizza loves them. Pizza would NEVER think of harming a poor, innocent child. When a child looks to Pizza, they can be assured that Pizza will take care of them and offer them loads of melty mozzarella, and will never tie them up with duct tape and tell them that they will be excommunicated if they ever tell their parents about "secret time."

Shame on you, Jesus. Shame.

Pizza is always just a phone call away. Just pick up the phone, and Pizza will come right to your door quickly.

All of the people who claim to see or have conversations with Jesus are INSANE.

Some people say that eating too much Pizza can make you extremely obese.