FORUM MORONS

Long have I regarded internet forums as the deepest and richest wells of idiocy in Nerdland. Forums seem to draw an even dumber and more overtly pretentious crowd than IRC, if that's possible. Their cutesy emoticon overkill, censorship oriented moderators, obnoxious and excessive signature images and their general magnetism for pissy argumentative dweebs and quasi-literate teenage cam-sluts who have the extra spare time needed to "chat" in ultra-slow-motion has kept me from being the least bit interested in participating in them. Just what I need. 400 posts on one of a million identical threads that basically consist of, "BITCH!" "MOAN!" "BITCH!" "MOAN!" ad infinitum, all seperated by gigantic pictures of no contextual significance.

However, I notice that from time to time, they take an interest in me.

(updated April 9, 04)

Chapter Ten: The Wild, Wild World of Furries... Did I say "Wild, Wild?" Oh, sorry. I meant to say "Hilariously Pathetic."

Chapter Nine: Anger Management For Idiots

Chapter Eight: Canaduh Gots Gud EJUCATUN!

Chapter Seven: Tapeworms and Other Parasites that Live in the Colons of Mammals: The Story of the World's Dumbest Mollusk

Chapter Six: UDDER STIUPUDITTIEY

Chapter Five: Fruit Bats in Meat Land. No - I really don't have any direction with that title. I just thought it sounded funny.

Chapter Four: RantRaver. Time to lay off the raving for a while. Too much brain candy makes your arguments floppy. This goofy thing was mirrored on two sites and they posted the URL four times in my guestbook, which sadly implies that they thought it was the COOLEST most HARDCORE thing they had ever written. The mirror is a Mac web hosting site. DON'T LAUGH! Macs are serious networking machines.... ok ok - you can laugh.

Chapter Three: Inconsistent Spelling and Drivel in a Forum About the Lame TV Show "Survivor," and it's ME Who's Pathetic.

Chapter Two: Live Journal - Last Outpost of the Philosopher Poet

Chapter One: Geek Racing Over the Ambassador Bridge